What not to do when visiting a new mother

A good, social outing starting with a cup of mint tea at either of the WilmslowRd. Arab restaurants, so AD and I met Curly sue and M2 at Jaffa’s. Only to find them sat around a table with only two chairs. AD and I tried not to take offence but did feel the need to point out that it was a bit mean.

To which a rather high (too much mint in the tea I think) Curly sue jumped up and stated repeatedly that there wasn’t a table with 4 chairs available when they sat down. We turned around to see a group of brothers leaving a table so we moved over to their area.

We sipped mint tea and conversed to the backdrop of Arabic music (habibi was overly used as always.. ya habibi .. its all coming back to me) After a while we proceeded to leave as we had planned to visit a new mother who had had a baby girl a few weeks back at her home.

Getting there became a task M2 and Curly sue before we left were insistent they new where they were going. We wondered around and around till we finally made it to the house around 7pm when we were expected at 6ish

Other then arriving late the visit seemed to be going smoothly.. till the following conversation too place

Curly sue: (looks at baby) wow mashallah, she is beautiful, what did you name her?
Mother: (beeming proudly) Asiya..we spelt it with a Y so that it wouldn’t be confused for Asia.
Curly sue: Mahallah, that’s beautiful Asiya was Firawns wife, an excellent role model for her inshallah.
M2 (Allah only knows what M2 was thinking at this poing): She was also the one who ate Hamza’s heart wasn’t she
Mother (jaw drops): really!!!
Curly sue (damage control): HA HA that was Hind M2 and she didn’t eat his heart it was the kidney..no er… it was the liver, yeah that was it ( she point her finger at M2 excitedly now that the mystery is solved).
M2 ( Again no idea way ) Lots of people who chopped up Muslims later became the best of Muslim
I: Ha .. ha…ha ( as I rolled around on the sofa)
Mother (looking rather anxious) am just going to get you ladies something to drink
(Exits)


Things go back to normal for a while as we sat chating and admiring the baby (that is except I, who is still sat on the sofa taking note because it was just too funny a situation not to blog about)

Just before the mother returns the baby gets transferred to AD who while snuggling the baby

AD: mmmm the baby smells lovely; you know you can’t get this baby smell
I: Ha.. ha.. Stop sniffing the baby AD it looks weird we wouldn’t want the mother to walk in while you’re incessantly sniffing her baby.
Curly sue: AD you’re a head sniffer ha ah
Mother (walks in and takes in the rather odd scene) salam again, here are the drinks and some snacks

AD and I insist that we had eaten twice already, but that will eat a few things, in the middle of the meal

Curly sue (turns to the mother): Have you taken the baby to the GP’s about her nails?
Mother, M2 and I (looked puzzled: They said just to bite them off

Curly sue, looks horrified then starts laughing, Mother, M2 and I are still puzzled why ask about the babies nails, they were standard baby nails nothing out of the ordinary am sure a nail clipper is all that would be needed.

Curly sue: I am sorry I asked about her nose, what did you hear

M2, AD and I all burst out laughing, poor Curly sue thought the mother was told to bite her babies nose off, all of them !

AD (tries to steer the conversation away from all this cannibalistic talk): Some crazy people in this house.

To come to poor AD’s defence she has been doing night shifts again and wasn’t her usual sharp self, so knowing that I trid to control the situation by pointing out to the mother that

I: She didn’t mean you and Asiya

(I forget to mention the rest of the people who live in the house, DOH!!!)

The mother leaves to make food for the rest of the family and M2 starts to sober up and assumes her responsible role as the oldest and points out to Curly sue and AD who are trying to make the baby pose in comical/alien poses and take pictures on Curly sue’s phone that the mother wouldn’t appreciate it.

So alhamdulilah some sanity is returning to the group (am still sat on the sofa, feeling rather stuffed now and still taking notes as I laugh with and to myself)

M2 (worded her very responsible statement like this) Stop that ladies, I mean what will happen if the mother walks in now and asks to use your phone Curly sue anD accidentally stumbles on alien looking pictures of her baby.

I guess this could happen, highly improbable though unless the mother did a through search of all camera phone owners before they left! So we all burst out laughing again, sinking back to our giddy way of being.

When we left the house, M2 decided to share with us that the food wasn’t in fact all for us but was meant for the whole family (DOH!!)

So what not to do when visiting a new mother

1) Never be more then 10mins late, its just rude otherwise
2) Never defame the babies name ( no comparing the baby to infamous people especially those with cannibalistic tendencies)
3) No incessant sniffing of the baby
4) Never point out the need for medical intervention ( be it nose, nails or anything else)
5) Never call the residents crazy ( its frowned upon)
6) Never make the baby pose in comical/alien poses and take pictures.
7) Never eat everything your offered ( you never know who might be waiting )