Tuesday, May 09, 2006

The sneakiness of change

You don’t realise how quickly things around you change till an undeniable fact materialise. Suhanallah it is only been a year since I was trekking up and down oxford road going from one lecture to another with a massive rucksack and a carefree smile. I am unsure whether things changed as rapidly as they have been changing this year but while I was at university not a lot seemed to change or when it did it was slow paced enough for you to take stock and accept what ever the occurring change was.

Since I graduated (all of about 11 months ago) the pace of change has been at a phenomenal speed. Every time I turn something new and unexpected is taking place and it is not just those around me either I am changing too.

What has sparked this off? Well one of my university friends in the past 14 months or so, got married, and 3 days ago gave birth ( mashallah) to the most adorable baby boy, while my other university friend is coming to the end of her masters ( may Allah make it easy for her). Another of my friends has moved away to London (and may I add broke the never moving from Manchester rule) and change goes on and on.

The most awakening of all being that my baby sisters is going to move out to go to Liverpool or Birmingham University this September. My eldest niece is turning 13 and is almost as lanky as I am. The only things that seem to have remained unchanged are my parents, my rocks may Allah keep them with us.

I have been dwelling on the course and pace of change for a while now. When ever I think I have come to terms with something new or have learnt to accept it whether I view it as being good or not something else happens that takes my breath away.

The strangest thing here being that I feel the world is moving and changing around me and change is happening to me without I being directly involved. My sense of control, of governance has been tilled.

Talking about change and hopefully growing I have learned that I like feeling in control when, this is jolted I resist, but I have come to the realisation that we don’t really control anything, we can do our best but at the end of the day we should just let it be. Also I have realised just how fickle I am, I am not certain of what I want and when ever I think I have made my mind up something will happen or come along that will make me re-evaluate this. Thank God for the istikharah! I have an inherent sense to experience new things, meet new people, see new place and so on which is what my gap year (courtesy of work) has allowed me to do.

Something that has struck me as sad is that as you get older your dreams become more “realistic” limited I think is the word and I don’t think we should ever allow that to happen, so here is to learning to accept change however it may sneak up on you and maintaining our inner PETER PAN!!

Now that my official GAP year is coming to an end what do I want to do?


lostkitty said...

u r so ME!
I completely understand how u feel - because its how I feel too. I reckon, this feeling of loss and lack of control over your own life is one of the side effects of growing up.UGH!

fudgebumpkin said...

Yeah, change is not so good.

But for the ones who move away, it's not like everything is hunky dory.

It gets lonely at times, and you wonder where all the happy times with your friends went.

Here's looking forward to a future in Jannah, inshAllah, where nothing and everything is different.

NM said...

Ameen to that, listen to us! i think this can only be discribed as "growing pains" no one tells you they resurface when you hit your 20's

Ever The Idealist said...

salam hon. change is good. it's what keeps us remebering allah. if everything stayed the same we would never develop. here is to all of you growing and developing every day, week, month and year that allh blesses you with.

NM said...

not always, but when it comes it certainly makes you think so therein lies the positive eh