misfortunate

I was speaking to a friend from high school last night and we were reminiscing about all the things we got up to while at school, it was hilarious recalling some of the things we did!

She asked me what the most embarrassing thing that happened to me was. It was difficult to answer I have a never ending list of incidents that I just seem to find myself in the middle off.

But one stands out clearly

When I was 16 I went to the Emirates with my sister and her children, it was a lovely trip mashallah except for Dubai ( so artificial) anyway, my sisters best friend while at university was a distant cousin from Abu Dhabi and she sent her brother to pick us up.

My mother was going through a bit of a phase were she wanted me to dress “like a young women” at the same time I was going through a bit of a skater look, baggy trousers, trainers etc am sure you can imagine.

So that day for some peace I wear a long skirt to the airport. Big mistake, I couldn’t walk with it on and kept hoisting it up so I wouldn’t trip, which I did anyway twice once going through the metal detector and once while boarding, I didn’t hurt myself alhamdulilah but my eldest niece was mortified and I remember clearly her asking me

“Auntie why can’t you walk properly” The last thing you need to hear from an 8 year old , but anyway the series of embarrassments don’t end there.

When Rahma’s brother arrived my sister started seating her children ( talk about neglect) I was left to fend for myself, okay I know it only involved seating myself but no one told me they drove on the wrong side!!!

The 4x4 had a high step so I tried to preserve some modesty with the ridiculously long tent of a skirt I was wearing. While clutching my skirt with one hand I opened the door with the other and hoisted myself up. I knew something was wrong when the seat felt like a leg! So I looked up and my nose pressed against the brother’s cheek! I was mortified, i was sat on a guy i had just met!

I jumped off the seat and walked around and sat on the passengers SEAT. Then I had to endure an hour plus journey in which only God know what the brother was thinking.

I had to explain to Rahma what happened and begged her to explain that I wasn’t some weirdo with loose morals, but just misfortunate

How much do we really know anyone?

Recently I have noticed that people say “you know me” a lot in the middle of a sentence when they are about to divulge some information that they would assume you would have gathered from being in the company.

When ever someone says this to me I stand there suppressing the need to say “no I don’t”. I have been trying to work out why I react so strongly to the phrase, most of the time when someone reveals something after having used the phrase “you know me” its something that you have already gathered. Especially if I have known someone for a long time and their behaviour patterns are stable and thus predictable.

I have come to the conclusion that we can’t really know anyone because individually we are all trying to get to know ourselves and hence ourselves isn’t ridged or fixed and changes as we learn and grown.

I think we most certainly have a core self but in order to access this we must pass several layers which make up a person.

Our perceptions are derived from the impressions a person gives us, or the side of their being they choose to share, sometimes this is deliberate and sometimes its not. When it’s deliberate our perception (if we can’t see through the ploy) are not objective. Is all we know about a person what they want us to know?! Hmm

Street Smart

If you’re going to visit native female at home then you should be warned, especially if you are a female under 50 and you are planning on walking there!

To keep this short and informative rather then factual lets just say that you are likely to be solicited at least 4 times by a variety of arm…brothers (loosely using the term to encompass humanity).

We don’t need to discuss these 4 different scenarios, lets just say these brothers are persistent, are indiscriminative ( refer to my under 50 comment) and will use a variety of techniques and lines that are designed to charm but only succeed in making me feel rather uncomfortable and I hate to admit rather vulnerable.

I am reliably informed that the best way to avoid this is to:
1) Not make direct eye contact for more then 5seconds
2) No friendly smiles
3) look purposeful and alert
4) Walk in a group
5) If you’re vocal and the other 4 tactics don’t work

Native female says to say

‘Yo, I ain’t down with that’

The brothers will walk away with a new found respect for you!

Muslims and Museums

I met up with Hayak after Bosnia, feeling diseased but able to leave my bed, after about a 3 hour conversation we walked into the myf and the poster for 1001 inventions caught my eye, I pointed it out to Hayak and since she has time on her hands at the moment we made a spontaneous decision to go to the museum on Friday after jummah.

Friday came around and i walked into the ladies section, to see Hayak and Bangles deep in conversation. We met, prayed and left to make the journey to the museum, when Hayak informs me that ufakar is coming along, I thought great the more the merrier. We set off on the journey but as I discovered a hungry man is a cranky man. So we had to stop off and feed him before we severed ties. After our leisurely meal we walked to the Manchester museum, started off on the first floor and made our way around unhurriedly.

After a while Ufakr walks up to Hayak and I to point out that it was 4.30pm and that closing time is at 5.00pm so we better find the exhibition. We couldn’t find any signpost so we moaned a little about how there where no signs.

The conversation went something like this?

Hayak: I can’t see any signs, can you?
NM: No I can’t… typical the first Muslim exhibition and there no signs….how rude…
Hayak: let’s ask someone
Ufakar: seen any signs yet?
NM: we are going to ask someone

So we walked to the nearest person who worked at the museum and asked for directions. The two ladies, behind the gift shop counter looked at each other then looked at us.
When the shorter lady turned around to the taller one and said ‘everyone seems to be coming to the wrong museum today’ I think this was to ease the obvious blow that she was about to deliver to 3 eager looking people.

The tall lady turned to us apologetically and said ‘it’s at the science and industry museum, near the G-max’

Ufakar looked at Hayak, Hayak looked at me and I burst out laughing,

Earlier we had discussed the serious need for Muslims to visit the exhibition and support the immense work that had gone into organising such an innovative way of presenting our heritage.
So much for seeing our heritage!!! Ufakar asks Hayak how we got here, Hayak asks me how we got here I shrug my shoulders! None of us bothered to check we just assumed, spontaneous act my foot, Check your information before going gallivanting is the lesson here!

Ufakar’s parting remark ( I must point out that ufakar is a revert here) was
‘ This says a lot about how often Muslim visit Museum!’
Next week we are going to give it another go inshallah, second time lucky eh.

Sigh Sigh

I am back from Bosnia feeling very diseased but to be honest I went there feeling rather diseased anyway. Never be fooled by a toddler (especially if you have prior knowledge that they have the flu) when they cuddle up against you the day before you leave for foreign shores, push them away, shove them away!! Unless someone is watching (i.e. their parents) in which case you should extract them from your lap and leave while you are still uninfected!!

Did I do any of that NO; my niece is just too cute! And because I am and was so diseased while in Bosnia I don’t think I can do the experience justice. So as soon as I leave my sick bed and I get a hold of the pictures that my boss took I will post them and let them do the talking.

I can however write (while the drugs are still in my system) that Bosnia is truly one of the most beautiful places on Earth that I have ever seen, and most likely ever will. The people are the most welcoming and warmest of those I have ever met!

Basically I am moving (at least for a month or so to Zenica to live amongest my new found friends)!

Oh and friends if your able to, swing by my house I will be the one in my pyjama’s being fed lots of chicken soup and grapes ( my mum’s remedy) bring chocolate and DVD’s or even better something to read!!!

I am going to crawl back into bed now! Inshallah sickness is a purifier…better now then later right.

Insight

Practice listening to your inner voice and feelings about certain things. You are more than your measurable qualities, as you have a larger part of you that is far more valuable, although it isn't as quantifiable.

It is this qualitative part of you that holds your compassion, your spirit, your heart, and your instinct. It is up to you to allow yourself to experience yourself in anothers presence. If something feels wrong, it most likely is. This is not something that is easily explainable to others, but is nonetheless valid.

In order for you to begin to be able to act based on a collaborative between your mind and your heart, you first need to recognise the voice of your instinct and validate it such that your decisions are not out of anxiety, but instead out of valid reasons; some of which you can explain and others that you can't.

Everyone has an instinct, but sometimes more educated individuals have a very hard time validating it and listening to it, let alone even daring to act based on it. We have this belief that if it is not empirical, scientific, and provable, then it is not valid; however, experience teaches us otherwise.

While our minds know a lot, our hearts know even more, and there is a breadth of knowledge that you can access if you allow yourself to open up to it.

Apologies

I had an odd nights sleep, it involved waking up 3times after falling asleep.
2 were a must the other however was not welcomed at all. I woke up at 2.30ish
With a stomach ache, I was freezing and had a full bladder (Stupid coke!!!)

Then despite telling MD and Hayak that I would wake them up if I got up for Tahajjud
I groggily rolled out of bed around 4am, made wudu and went to pray Tahajjud and fajr forgetting about my promise to wake them up.

I finally remembered my friends after I prayed and text them apologies (I hope am forgiven). This reminds me of the time when I made plans to meet up with Big AD on Friday and once again forgot about her and went to Jummah with MD.

Only to find the Khutba being delivered my Imam Sohaib Webb, Big AD was not amused as she missed Jummah because she was trying to get a hold of me and to add insult to injury Imam SW was there!!

I hope these incidents are not a vision of the future, is rather disconcerting that I keep forgetting my friends as I worship…..

May I take this opportunity to apologise for my lateness and forgetfulness, neither of which I want to keep but they seem to be my constant companions.

Help!!! (But first shower me with a few words of forgiveness)

Come back

I am feeling stuck in a rot

I have had 2 very very long weeks, I seem to have had every day filled with something or the other and physically the running is helping but mentally am feeling slow, lethargic and in serious need of something to break this cycle of over commitment!

And now that my roomie (my sister has deserted me and gone to turkey with most of our friends) am behaving like a lost soul and watching a never ending list of DVD’s and reading books I have already read at night in exchange for the conversation Mona lisa used to share with me which in the beginning I must admit used to arose violence within me but in time became a ritualistic part of my winding down.

Muna,.. mona…Queen nafatiti (you know how you earned each of these names ) I am missing your messy ways, your cute infectious laugh, the way i embarrass you in public, our arguments about who moans more, the way you demand head massages, your tiny hands and your energy peaks at 10pm, your stories of the bank and Mr B lull me to sleep!

how i love thee

I hope this is how you feel when I go on my work trips!!

Seeing clearly

Now and again we need something out of the ordinary to jolt our awareness, to raise our consciousness to a higher level so that we can focus on the grand scheme of things. Often this comes in the form of a person who enters your life unexpectedly, they may leave after making their mark or they may become a permanent part of your life so that you may grow together.

Now and again we all need a humbling experience, one which makes us behave in a manner which is not typical of our day to day and somewhat predictable behaviour! Something which enables us to become acquainted with facets of our being, which had remained dormant. A side to us which breaks the expected norms that even we hold of ourselves.

What am I talking about, words fall me but let’s just say that I was so moved by two very different events this Sunday. One which made me cry and one which made me smile infectiously.

There is something about experiencing potent pain and joy consecutively which forces us to see clearly.

What not to do when visiting a new mother

A good, social outing starting with a cup of mint tea at either of the WilmslowRd. Arab restaurants, so AD and I met Curly sue and M2 at Jaffa’s. Only to find them sat around a table with only two chairs. AD and I tried not to take offence but did feel the need to point out that it was a bit mean.

To which a rather high (too much mint in the tea I think) Curly sue jumped up and stated repeatedly that there wasn’t a table with 4 chairs available when they sat down. We turned around to see a group of brothers leaving a table so we moved over to their area.

We sipped mint tea and conversed to the backdrop of Arabic music (habibi was overly used as always.. ya habibi .. its all coming back to me) After a while we proceeded to leave as we had planned to visit a new mother who had had a baby girl a few weeks back at her home.

Getting there became a task M2 and Curly sue before we left were insistent they new where they were going. We wondered around and around till we finally made it to the house around 7pm when we were expected at 6ish

Other then arriving late the visit seemed to be going smoothly.. till the following conversation too place

Curly sue: (looks at baby) wow mashallah, she is beautiful, what did you name her?
Mother: (beeming proudly) Asiya..we spelt it with a Y so that it wouldn’t be confused for Asia.
Curly sue: Mahallah, that’s beautiful Asiya was Firawns wife, an excellent role model for her inshallah.
M2 (Allah only knows what M2 was thinking at this poing): She was also the one who ate Hamza’s heart wasn’t she
Mother (jaw drops): really!!!
Curly sue (damage control): HA HA that was Hind M2 and she didn’t eat his heart it was the kidney..no er… it was the liver, yeah that was it ( she point her finger at M2 excitedly now that the mystery is solved).
M2 ( Again no idea way ) Lots of people who chopped up Muslims later became the best of Muslim
I: Ha .. ha…ha ( as I rolled around on the sofa)
Mother (looking rather anxious) am just going to get you ladies something to drink
(Exits)


Things go back to normal for a while as we sat chating and admiring the baby (that is except I, who is still sat on the sofa taking note because it was just too funny a situation not to blog about)

Just before the mother returns the baby gets transferred to AD who while snuggling the baby

AD: mmmm the baby smells lovely; you know you can’t get this baby smell
I: Ha.. ha.. Stop sniffing the baby AD it looks weird we wouldn’t want the mother to walk in while you’re incessantly sniffing her baby.
Curly sue: AD you’re a head sniffer ha ah
Mother (walks in and takes in the rather odd scene) salam again, here are the drinks and some snacks

AD and I insist that we had eaten twice already, but that will eat a few things, in the middle of the meal

Curly sue (turns to the mother): Have you taken the baby to the GP’s about her nails?
Mother, M2 and I (looked puzzled: They said just to bite them off

Curly sue, looks horrified then starts laughing, Mother, M2 and I are still puzzled why ask about the babies nails, they were standard baby nails nothing out of the ordinary am sure a nail clipper is all that would be needed.

Curly sue: I am sorry I asked about her nose, what did you hear

M2, AD and I all burst out laughing, poor Curly sue thought the mother was told to bite her babies nose off, all of them !

AD (tries to steer the conversation away from all this cannibalistic talk): Some crazy people in this house.

To come to poor AD’s defence she has been doing night shifts again and wasn’t her usual sharp self, so knowing that I trid to control the situation by pointing out to the mother that

I: She didn’t mean you and Asiya

(I forget to mention the rest of the people who live in the house, DOH!!!)

The mother leaves to make food for the rest of the family and M2 starts to sober up and assumes her responsible role as the oldest and points out to Curly sue and AD who are trying to make the baby pose in comical/alien poses and take pictures on Curly sue’s phone that the mother wouldn’t appreciate it.

So alhamdulilah some sanity is returning to the group (am still sat on the sofa, feeling rather stuffed now and still taking notes as I laugh with and to myself)

M2 (worded her very responsible statement like this) Stop that ladies, I mean what will happen if the mother walks in now and asks to use your phone Curly sue anD accidentally stumbles on alien looking pictures of her baby.

I guess this could happen, highly improbable though unless the mother did a through search of all camera phone owners before they left! So we all burst out laughing again, sinking back to our giddy way of being.

When we left the house, M2 decided to share with us that the food wasn’t in fact all for us but was meant for the whole family (DOH!!)

So what not to do when visiting a new mother

1) Never be more then 10mins late, its just rude otherwise
2) Never defame the babies name ( no comparing the baby to infamous people especially those with cannibalistic tendencies)
3) No incessant sniffing of the baby
4) Never point out the need for medical intervention ( be it nose, nails or anything else)
5) Never call the residents crazy ( its frowned upon)
6) Never make the baby pose in comical/alien poses and take pictures.
7) Never eat everything your offered ( you never know who might be waiting )

Sisterhood

My student friend is experiencing the stress of the looming exam and essay deadlines on top of financial difficulties… scrap that, the phrase just doesn’t do justice to her current situation… BROKE, is the word am looking for. Which unfortunetly is an all too pervasive situation for the majority of student, unless you live at home!

I sent her this text to make her feel better

“Everything we think we own, have or have earned is in fact a loan form the creator right so essentially we are all in debt.”

Although at the time I didn’t think too much upon what I was texting her, Ever since I have been up this morning I have been thinking about it, what does it actually means and if everything we have is a loan we have to account for it right!

We all know this, but how often do we think about how we spend our blessing, be it in the form of money, time, strength, intellect etc etc.. Can we account for what we did with them, how we used them, who benefited from them!

I for one most certainly can't!! And on the other hand why do we find it so difficult to ask for help from one another, shouldn’t it be a given?! Why is it that we would rather struggle alone then just say?

“Listen I am having difficulties with this are you able to help me”

But then again should we have to ask? If we claim to know someone well and we claim to love them should we not know about their situation without being told, in fact should we not offer without being asked. And why is it then when we offer help to one another we are reluctant to accept?!

hmmmm...

I am reminded of my key ring, I see it everyday, I use it at least a couple of times a day and yet the message on it

" The messenger (SAW) of Allah; "None of you (truly) believe until he wishes for his brother what he wishes for himself"

Seems to have slipped from my mind, Lets getting wishing

It's been too long

Egypt! The love of my life
I found the coolest, most amazing, most perfect way of going back to egypt! Its more then just a holiday and my parents will be so pleased if i go and study arabic rather then if i just go on "holiday" again (Calculating? well a little maybe)

Since joining the world of work, 3 months summer holidays are out and the best i could hope for is 3 week

So the search for the perfect "time out" a.ka the arabic course started. MD's contacts pointed me towards several course but i enquired about one in particular because the accommodation is a room by the sea side ( at this point i would like to stress that i really do want to learn arabic :)

I emailed the info desk and this was the email reply

"Walikum assalam
You and your friends are welcome any time
We don't mind designing a special seasonal course for you if you are 4 students in 10July to 29 with the price of US$ 470 includes EVERYTHING (classes –accommodation –trip in Cairo and Alexandria- materials –picking up from Airport- tajweed and Hifz)
The registration fees is US$30
If you interested please confirm
wassalam
Qortoba Institute for Arabic Studies"

Next step was to swindle a 3 week holiday from work? i say swindle but really i was going to be a lot of begging i mean egypt, pride, egypt, pride .. EGYPT.

But i didn't need to, my boss ( who is a v cool dude) was fine with the 3 weeks because july is a quiet time. OHHHH HAPPPYYYYY DAYYYYYYssss !!

Alhamdulilh

14 weeks to go!!

Life

My friend from university called me to say that she was expecting. Normally when I hear someone is pregnant, they are usually people who are older then me, or they are a friend of a friend or a distant relative in some far off land. Other then my sister who has given me four adorable nieces, when ever I hear someone is pregnant I go through the motions of calling them and saying congratulations but it doesn’t really touch me or move me anymore then that. It’s what other people do, its expected almost.

So when one of my closest friends who is only a year my senior calls me to tell me that she is pregnant and the baby is due in the summer! I uncharacteristically felt like crying! I was sooooo touched, my little Aysha (or sultan murad as I nicked named her) was having a baby of her own. I little life. i babbled “oh my god” “repeatedly for most of the conversation until Aysha felt the need to steer the conversation on to other safer topics, things that wouldn’t make me want to cry

I am going to see her this Friday after jummah inshallah, to have a look at the ultrasound pictures and feel her belly. Its going to be emotional am going to pack my packet of issues. This will be the first time aysha has seen me cry since the 3 years we have known each other!

Death

The middle of my week started with me receiving a text from one of my oldest friends telling me that her youngest brother had passed away. I was at this point walking towards my house and I stood at the gate just staring at it. You see I have not yet been touched by the death of someone close to me, not family and not friend’s alhmdulilah and this was going to be my first.

Not only was I going to be sad on behalf of shuks but I was sad on behalf of her family and more so I knew her little brother (Rahmatullah). I met him when I went to Somalia
(My first time back in 12 or so years). I spent the whole year trying to talk shuks into going the same summer, because lets face it my grasp of the Somali language was shockingly poor, my knowledge of the country was pathetic so I needed a somali friend who would hold my hand and that is just the way it turned out.

We arranged to meet up when we got their and within a week of arriving shuks being the resourceful girl that she is called my uncles house ( where we Herbi and I were staying) and we made arrangements to meet in the local souq. Only to discover after our little shopping expiation that we needed to take the same bus back. It turned out that shuks only lived a 2 minute walk away from my uncle’s house and yet we had managed to miss each other for a whole week.

Belatedly Herbi and I went to meet Shuks family and they all looked like her, Absolute stunners the whole family. Her little brother who was 8 or so at the time, was an absolute joy to know, he teased about my Somali and asked we all sorts of inquisitive and funny questioned. I loved him from the first day and when I got the text all I could picture his little smiling face so clearly (Rahmatullah)

When I called shuks she told me how about 10pm during the night she received a call to say that he had been taken to the hospital and about 8am in the morning another call to say that he had passed away and then another call after dhur to say that they had had the Jinaza prayer and had buried him. All this under 24hours, Subhanallah, this stayed with me for the rest of the week, its almost incomprehensible how in under a 24 hour period we can exist, have a presence, effects others lifes and then next we are forever gone, we cease to exist, we are just no longer a part of this world. Subhanallah

Heels why oh why??

Yesterday I did something very very very silly, I made a bet. Not for monitory or materialistic gain but just so that I could prove a point and say a big fat “I told you so to my friend”. The bet, well it was to wear girly clothes (not my words). So I came to work today dressed in what I can only describe as stereotypical girlies clothes. I even match colour wise!

But the ultimate achievement for this dare was to wear heels (I might be cheating but I dug out my only pair of heels which aren’t really heels because they are kitten heals, but they are pointy. It’s so so unnatural to force your feet into something like that.

Although am not actually wearing them. I am sat here with my socks, the kitten heels firmly under my desk, is that cheating? I am going to argue no because technically I did wear them to work am just not wearing them while at work!

Lesson learnt! Trainer, flat shoes, converse, bumps. Heels a definite no no and what is it with the matching thing? Its no time consuming I already have a lateness problem!! It looks like wearing skirts are still my biggest achievement and will hold the title for a long time to come.

I am putting the heels back on now because my argument isn’t convincing even me L

Your jotting but who is reading?!

As I sat on the bus on my way to my friend’s house I thought to myself, The Bosnia trip is rapidly approaching and I haven’t done anything to prepare for it! I dug out my writing pad and made a note on it to do some research on Bosnia.

Doing the research on Bosnia: very good idea
Noting it down on a moving, old, rickety bus : very bad idea

At this point it might be appropriate to point out that I was sat next to a man who was reading a comic (the characters I wasn’t familiar with). As I sat there scribbling notes on my pad, which was precariously balanced on my wrist as I had, two bags with me. I noticed the man who seamed engrossed in his comic moment earlier, looking at my pad and then looking away.

I smiled to myself; the man was behaving as if I was writing something worthwhile rather then just jotting down key words to do with Bosnia. Perhaps I should point out that what these words were, well here is the list

Bosnia
Genocide
Dutch UN troops
Causes of the war
Progress
Country facts

I supposed if you see some of these words alone then your imagination has some topical words to work with. The man kept this looking, looking away behaviour up for a while till I stopped scribbling and put my pad away. After that he would look my way less frequently but still abnormally often and enough for me to contemplate turning around and asking him what was on his mind. Instead I went into my bag and text AD to let her know I was on the bus and hungry ( I wouldnt ask for anything elaborate, just her usual pasta and domino sauce, with a Somali twist, and lots of cheese mmmmmmmm!)

As I was putting my phone back in my bag, I witnessed the look, look away behaviour. Finally enough was enough so I turned to the man and asked him..wait for it

“Excuse me, I was just wondering what your comic was about, I can’t help but notice it from the corner of my eye?”

The man looked at me, puzzled I think is the best way to describe the expression on his face and then said

“Sorry I can’t really talk, am getting off at the next bus stop?”

He grabbed this belongings, stood and walked towards the driver and got off, now I might just be having a cynical moment but am convinced that it was not his intended bus stop. So what was it that offended or freaked him out so that he felt he had to almost jump off the bus! Was it my jottings, was it because I spoke to him, was it because of what I was wearing (several colours) WHAT!!

And why is it that I can’t have that effect on people at will. What if I could learn to utilise that and whenever someone really annoyed ME I could unleash whatever it was that induced that reaction and make them flea. HA HA

I think all this talk of power has gone to my head!But seriously though I would love to meet that man again and ask him what it was that made him run so ?!

Why do we do it?

10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations and some equally stupid answers,

1. At the movies: When you meet acquaintances/friends
Stupid Question:- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer:- Well,it's so hot, there were no cool cabs so I thought i'd watch some advertisements in the cool comfort of the theatre.

2. In the bus: A fat girl wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet
Stupid Question:- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer:- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia..... why don't you try again or should i try this time.

3. At a funeral: One of the teary-eyed people ask
Stupid Question:- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer:- Why?Would it rather have been you?

4. At a restaurant: When you ask the waiter
Stupid Question:- Is the "blah blah blah" dish good.

Answer:- No, its teribble and made of adulterated cement.We occasionaly also spit in it.

5. At a family get-together.When some distant aunt meets you after years
Stupid Question:- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer:- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

6. When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask
Stupid Question:- Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating, insensitive lout...it's just the money.

7. When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call
Stupid Question:- Sorry. were you sleeping.

Answer:- No. I was playing cricket for India at Sharjah and just when you called Salim Malik was betting with me that Pakistan would win. What do you think?

8. When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair
Stupid Question:- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer:- No, its autumn and I'm shedding......

9. At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth
Stupid Question:- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer:- And while I'm telling you , you tell me if I bite.

10. You are smoking a cigarette and a person asks
Stupid Question:- Oh, so you smoke

Answer:- No, it's a miracle... it was a chalk and now it's in flames!!!

Once again!! all credit for these funnies goes to Curly Sue

Help from above

Sometimes events take place in which you can feel yourself being led. The presence of the almighty is so acute and so discernible that you find yourself carrying out a set of actions while being wholly aware that they are not purely yours, that there is a guiding hand steering you to a particular direction.

Lately I have had a since of being led, it started with sitting in front of my work computer one lunch time thinking to myself that I need a clear career path. I opened the postgraduate homepage of Manchester University and Flicked through the available course from A-Z. One course leapt out of the page and caught my attention.

The interesting thing about this course is that it’s not something that I would ever have envisaged doing. In fact had I only looked through the Postgraduate Psychology course available as I had intended I would never have known about it. Why did I spend my most valued lunch hour in front of my desk and computer looking through the whole of the Postgraduate prospectus, I HAVE NO IDEA?

Secondly, why did I, a couple of weeks later ask all of my contacts in the local collages to find out if there where any volunteer post available. When although the course captured by attention it seemed rather unimpressive and I had reservation about whether the course would keep me interested and motivated for the next 2 years. Why did I take steps to find work experience although I had grave reservations, I HAVE NO IDEA?

Thirdly my sister who was very supportive when I was entertaining the idea of becoming a psychology teacher one day out of the blue announced that she didn’t think teaching the same subject for any length of time would satisfy my flick and somewhat free spirited natured. Why she said this unannounced, I HAVE NO IDEA?

Fourthly I got a call out of the blue ironically as I walked into the postgraduate office of Manchester Met University as I had a meeting there anyway. As soon as I asked for the postgraduate prospectus my phone rang, I answered and it was my friend from Arabic calling to let me know that there was a dyslexia and learning difficulties training session 4days away. The lady co-ordinating it said I could go although it was supposed to be for mentors from the inclusive and special education unit. Why I was invited, I HAVE NO IDEA?

Fifthly I sat in this training session with a broad smile, feeling very much at home and finally it struck home, all the signs that although I had read I didn’t see the importance or the significance of these individual signs so when I finally acknowledged the combined sign/events I had an AHHH moment!!!

Isn’t it a wonder how despite our inattentiveness God keeps sending us signs till our vision clears and we see clearly.

"The pens have been lifted and the pages have dried."
( An-Nawawi's 4o Hadith, End of hadith no.19)

Subhanallah!!

So you’re running late?

Since I seem to live in a permanent state of running late, here is my helpful guide to getting there respectfully late rather then just plain late ( respectfully late ranges from 1-10mins)

1) You wear glasses instead of contact lens ( too fiddly when your in a rush)

2) If you’re a girl and muslim or even non-muslim through on a jilbab over your pyjamas ( only in dire situations though, you end up being in a sleepy mindset all day)

3) Wear shoes without laces (boots are best especially if your wearing you pyjamas trust me on this one, it can be rather embarrassing when a well intentioned person at university or work asks about your pink, striped pyjama bottoms.

4) If you wear hijab and have sisters, the bane of your life becomes scarf pins!! There is always a dire shortage and you can be sure that on the day you’re running late everyone would have left already and one of your loving siblings would have taken your last 2pins. (Remedy, always have two stashed away in a place where only you know)


5) Socks, the same scenario as the hijab pins (stash, stash, stash or ask your mother, God preserve them, is there anything they don’t know?! Hmm)

6) Your bus pass ( the last thing you need to be worrying about at this point is the correct fare, buy as bus pass its cheaper in most cases anyway, and keep it in your inner-coat pocket, women rarely use their ICP)

7) When you arrive respectfully late, smile sweetly and apologise.


8) If you’re just plain late and the poor unfortunate person you have kept waiting is either a family member or a friend, this is a good time to remind them that you LOVE THEM!

I dedicate this to all those who I have ever kept waiting! Which is just about everyone especially friends and family? I am sorry but remember I LOVE YOU

What if the Titanic sank today?

A friend (who shall only thus be referred to as curly Sue) with a very warped since of humour sent this to me, in fact I have a folder on my MSN titled funny emails and as a testament to this friend about 60 % of the emails which pass my stringent humour test (namely does it make me laugh) are from Curly Sue. Keep up the good word Curly Sue!

Reaction from different Muslims:

HT: "The ship sank because it used kufr navigation systems. Once the Caliphate is re-established, we'll build Islamic ships with Islamic navigation systems."

Barelwis: "Sheikh Abdul Qadir Jilani caused the ship to sink because the captain was a Protestant - you know: Christian Vahhabi."

Sufis: "What literalist nonsense! It's all an allegory. The ship represents intellect and reason. The water, tumultuos and consuming, is love. The victims are the neophytes and weak disciples, unable to bear the pangs of love, and so annihalated by the Beloved, and the survivors are the Sufis, the arrived gnostics, who have abandoned intellect for love, and swim in the oceans of restless passion. We are still trying to figure out what Kate Winslet represents."

Tableeghis: "Yeh Nuh alaihi-as-salaam ki kashti hai (TRANSLATION: this is Noah's ship - you see how we are accommodating for you gora converts as well, huh?). Whoever is on board is saved. Oh no wait a minute - we're 5000 years behind the times."

Salafis: "Where's the daleel that the ship sank akhee? Show me your evidences from Qur'aan and Sunnah."

Hope no one was offended ( If offended please foreward all complaints to Curly Sue, address will be give on request.)